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23 August 2012 @ 10:26 am
Not-so-sweet dreams  
I'm not sure what's been going on lately but I have been having some of the darkest, most depressing dreams in recent memory, save the one I had two years ago about my mom dying. Most of the dreams I've been having lately involve death in some way. I lost someone important to me in one, a child of a friend died in another in a truly terrible way. That one haunts me the most because I can't get the image of his body out of my head. Last night I dreamed that my cat died in a fairly disgusting way. To any animal lovers, you know your pets are like your children, they're family. So this dream was not fun, either.

Then there are just weird and depressing dreams like the one I had last week. Apparently Heather and I signed up for this reality show where we were going to get married to strangers. All of the chosen men for the show would be able to see pictures of us, read our profiles, know everything about us basically and we could know nothing about them. We wouldn't even see the guy who chose us until the day we were going to marry them. Well, for sensationalism I assume, I was supposed to get ready first. I got my dress on, hair and makeup done, all of it, then the produces came in and told me no one chose me. Out of all the guys they picked for the show, none of them wanted me. Needless to say I was super upset and very hurt. So I went to tell Heather and she basically said, "Sucks to be you, I'm still doing it." And to rub salt in the wound she didn't want me helping her get ready, didn't even want me in the room with her as she got ready, preferring two people we know from CBC/One Voice to help her over me.

So somehow I found myself down at craft services (still in my dress, mind you ) and I was talking to Heather on the phone I think? I don't know, I don't remember holding a phone but I don't remember seeing her, either. But I was like, "What am I going to do now? You're moving out and I can't afford the apartment all on my own." To which she replied with, "I don't know what to tell you. Guess you better pack your bags because you're moving in with Laura."

That one really sucked, too. I mean, typing it out now I laugh because it's so ridiculous but when I woke up from that...man. All I could feel was that no one wanted me. No guy wanted me, my best friend didn't even want me. That hurt a lot and I carried that around all day. I hate how affected I am by my dreams and how vivid and real they all are. When it's a good dream I'm okay with it, but the bad ones are always really bad.

I wonder if the whole dream thing is a side effect. I should look that up. Yep, there it is. Abnormal dreams. So in addition to increasing the palpitations and the daily headaches it's giving me weird dreams. So calling my doctor about this.
 
 
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