...that I hate the fact that I am single. Most days I'm okay with it. Right now, however, I wouldn't mind having someone who could just hold me and tell me it's all going to be okay. I don't have to believe it, he doesn't even have to believe it. Sometimes, the words just need to be said. And I could use that right now.

I had a good weekend, so I should have almost expected this. It seems like every time I leave home for any amount of overnight time, something happens. I'd blame myself for it all but I know how stupid that is. This weekend I went up to Mechanic Falls, Maine for the Family Weekend that CBC does every year. If I had to rate the good and bad, I'd say it was about 50/50. A lot of it felt more like a couples kind of thing and...well if the opening paragraph wasn't enough to clue anyone in that I'm single, here's your sign.

Anyway, I did have fun playing kickball with everyone, cards with Sara and Melissa. I got a lot of writing done, too. The times when Melissa was off by herself or Sara and Mel were busy and the main group was doing something, I wrote. I know they don't mean to be, or want to be cliqueish but it's hard to get in to that. Especially when everyone is paired off, and then there would be me. Not so fun feeling like the nineteenth wheel on a eighteen wheeler.

Spoons was fun though. Actually, I'm rather addicted to it and want to play it all the time now. I have a bruise on my hand from Sara pulling me across the table, and my watch was literally torn off my wrist. It. Was. Awesome. And then I came home.

Heather says we should look at one bedroom apartments as well as two bedroom because there could be one with a really big bedroom. I said absolutely not. If we're moving together, two bedrooms is the breaker. I will not compromise on this. And then Steven gets popped on a probation violation.

He wasn't doing drugs and hasn't been since he got out a couple months ago, neither has he been drinking. He's been working as much as he can to save up to buy his truck and get his license, and eventually move out to live on his own. What does he get pulled in for? Having swords on his wall.

Dear Adam Brickner,
You are a LIFE RUINER. Normally this is a term cast about in jest. This time, however, I mean every syllable with every single fiber of my being.
Quite Unsincerely,
Diana

He stands to face felony charges somehow and that's pretty much all I know. It's all messed up and I'm scared for him. I really am. My mother is falling apart and my dad is barely holding it together. So I'm going over there for dinner tonight to get any updates I can and try to get them partially sane. It's what I do in this family, after all. I am the bandager when things are broken and bleeding. And this one is gushing.

Tags will get done eventually. I don't think I have any right now, but there are still things that need to get done. Kait, I believe we're waiting on you in the Kitty thread. ;-)

And that's all. I think, since Connor is still sleeping, I will go try and write. My energy has been off all day and it's effecting him. I don't like that. So I need to figure out how to fix that even though I'll only have a couple hours left in my day by the time he wakes up. Writing will help. And who knows, maybe I'll have another chapter finished soon.

But don't hold your breath.

Found out tonight that Steven is being moved to Belknap County Jail where he will remain until his trial on October 24th. Then he will be charged on four B class felony counts of possession of a deadly weapon. The way things were explained to me, the best case scenario (other than his getting the case dismissed) is one year. Worst, fifteen years in Concord. Concord means prison, not jail.

I can't even think...can't even breathe right now. I just am barely even functioning. And I don't know what to do. I have cried more in the past 24 hours than I have in a very long time. And yet I know it's not over. It's not even close to being over.

How am I going to be strong enough to shoulder this one?