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29 October 2012 @ 10:10 am
Just a heads up to anyone who wishes to keep in contact, I will no longer be using this blog. I'm still on Facebook, Twitter, dA, and the NaNo website this coming month. I also always have AIM on my phone turned on so there are multiple ways to get in touch with me if you want to keep in contact.
29 September 2012 @ 10:47 am
If I had a dollar for every time I have either said or thought about how much I love living here or how blessed we are to be in this apartment since we've been here I think I'd be able to...um...buy myself that Wonderbolts zipup from Hot Topic I keep occasionally looking at and wishing was a heck of a lot cheaper. Honestly, I have never lived in a better apartment. As much as I loved the size and privacy of Belmont (I could do archery in my own back yard, people. I had a pond back there I could shoot over!) there were a lot of things we had to worry about there that we just don't here. It's fabulous. Our downstairs neighbors were our friends before we moved and now they're our sisters. I can walk to my most regular of doctor appointments, and I don't have to worry about freezing in the winter. Unless the heater stops working again but that's more becoming a running gag now than anything else. It's wonderful! So why do I have this wanderlust?

I've stated before that I tend to get this way every September and I blame it all on the Highland Games. It's a little taste of Scotland, a place where I walk around and I feel more at home, more comfortable there than I do in my every day life and I truly believe with every fibre of my being that it's because that is where I am supposed to be.

We had a Thanksgiving feast with Jess and Adam last night (the kids too, of course) because they will more than likely not be here when the actual holiday rolls around. After the boy was in bed and while Adam was watching Star Trek (TNG. I had a hard time not joining him. Truth.) Jess pulled up some of the listings in Texas that a friend had sent her and some she'd found on her own. Well doing that made me want to do a little research of my own. For myself.

When I decided Scotland was my goal I bought a book about moving to and living in Scotland that I near on consumed the moment it was in my hands. I know it's a process and one that is going to require a lot of work on my end. They don't want just anyone moving there (understandably so) and I have ancestry to trace since my family fails all around at keeping records and stuff. And I know I'm still a ways off from publishing, but my dreamer's mind decided it would be fun to look at real estate in the couple of areas of Scotland I want to end up in. My dreamer's mind is not very bright.

Cost of living is less there than it is here, this I have known, but for two thirds of what I'm paying here for rent and utilities for an apartment I could rent to own a two or three bedroom house. So I looked through listing after listing, getting more and more depressed. And determined. And going, "Well maybe this hasn't happened because this is going to happen." Like, for instance, maybe I haven't gotten a car still because I'm definitely not going to want to fly a car overseas. Yeah, that's what I do. Needless to say, I had lovely dreams but they left me feeling a little hollow when I woke up.

We have a One Voice rehearsal retreat today (2-7) so it should go away. It looks like there is going to be a lot of dancing this season. Who's not hating that?

Now I need to go make chocolate peanut butter rice crispy treats to bring. Yeah, it's so happening.
Current Mood: determineddetermined
20 September 2012 @ 03:24 pm
It's international book week. The rules: Grab the closest book to you, turn to page 52, post the 5th sentence. Don't mention the title. Copy the rules as part of your post.

Going under the assumption it means a real book and not the one I am writing since technically that is closest to me since it is on the machine upon which I write?
"Closing her eyes against the pain she was about to inflict, she pulled at a corner of the gauze."

Going under the assumption it means any book, thus including my own of which there are several?
"'The cold is somewhat opposite.'"
"'Another kiss should do it.'"
"Somehow she'd been the only one killed."

Quotes taken from books one, two, and three of the series. The others projects I have going on have not yet reached the required length. Oh well.

So I recently finished "How To Raise Your Teenage Dragon" and decided it's really nice to have a Kindle book to read via my phone for all the time I spend in waiting rooms. It's so much better than lugging a purse with a book in it around, though I am still very much a fan and an advocate of real and tangible books. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Kindle books! Having recently finished Luke's book I poked around on Amazon for another one that was either free or cheap because I am cheap. If I don't have to pay for something I won't, not gonna lie. I decided to look in the YA section because adult books are too adult if you know what I mean. Some of the YA ones are too, for that matter. But I found one entitled "Drake" that was free and had pretty good reviews. Some vampire-esque novel that sounded like pure Twilight style fluff that would be good to read in ten minute bursts. Unless I'm waiting to see my cardiologist. Then it's more like an hour.

This book is terrible, you guys. Don't read it. I'm only in chapter two and I want to find the author and cut off his hands because writing is not a thing he should be doing. It's fan fiction, and bad fan fiction at that. His grammar is terrible (it has to be bad if I notice it. I mean, come on.) He head hops so quickly I get confused about whose point of view we're in, his plot is as satisfying as decaf coffee, and did I mention it's a guy writing this Twilight fanfiction? Yeah, that happened.

But I was stuck there in the basement of the building waiting my allotted twenty minutes before I could leave after being shot and, with nothing better to do, I read. Here's where I feel like a terrible human being. The whole time I'm reading I keep thinking to myself, "If this dribble can get published and have such good reviews, I don't know what I was ever worried about with my own stuff." Listen, I know I'm no Tolkien, Rowling, Zimmerman, insert favorite author's name here, but I know I can write well. I do write well. This book I am reading? It is not written well. So as soon as I find something better to read, I will. Suggestions are helpful, btw.

On an unrelated note, "The Mob Doctor" was not terrible. I will tune in again next week.
Current Mood: geekygeeky
19 September 2012 @ 09:58 pm
I am convinced NH is NEVER going to get the new wave of ponies that other states have had out for at least a month now. I have someone sending me Trixie and Lyra as payment for a commission, but I feel like at this point I will never get a Cherry Berry or Sunny Rays.

There are a lot of new shows on this season I am going to give a shot. "Go On" becaause Matthew Perry...the first episode was eh for me, but I'll give it one more shot. You can never judge a show off its pilot episode. There's a lot of exposition to get through before a real story can happen. Also, it's a half hour sitcom. What can you really expect? "Revolution" on the other hand? I really enjoyed that. I wasn't as put off by Billy Burke in this as I thought I would be. At first shot of him I was like, "Yep, there's Charlie Swan," but then I remembered he has the capability of real acting. This is one I will watch. I think after I type this I'm going to check out "The Mob Doctor" because, I'm sorry, I love Jordana Spiro and still love "My Boys" and I really hope this is a good show. I also plan on checking out "The Neighbors," "Last Resort," and "The Mindy Project." Trust me, I will have opinions.

I finished "The Fault in Our Stars" today and Oh My Gosh. Seriously. Mackie said I would feel all the feels and I did. I really did. I have so many words about this book! Now I need to consume anything and everything else John Green has written. It just needs to be done. I also kind of want an "Okay" tattoo.

I have another tree on my wall, one I painted this time. It will be filled with book-page flowers and paint chip butterflie when it's finished and it will be glorious.

Highland Games the day after tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!

My best friends are moving to the other side of the country. I didn't know I could be this sad for myself but this happy for someone else at the exact same time.

ETA: Zach Gilford from "Friday Night Lights" is in "Mob Doctor." It must be good!
Current Mood: draineddrained
17 September 2012 @ 10:04 am
I mentioned on my dA blog that September is always super busy for me and that it seems to be a season of change, this year being no exception. September also seems to be my "Spring cleaning" month for reasons I don't even know. I don't know if I got Heather into the habit or she got me into the habit, but it's something we've always done since we have been roommates. My poor husband, should that be in the cards for me, has no idea what is in store for him with me! In this cleaning process, redoing my room and things, I've gotten rid of quite a bit of stuff that I had an emotional attachment to but no longer served any real purpose in my life. (Thank you, Hoarders! I will never be cluttered again!) In this process I realized I need to de-clutter my social networking relationships as well.

There are a lot of people I'm "friends" with on Facebook that I never see, hear from, talk to, whose posts I hide because I don't like them, who I basically ignore because we have absolutely nothing in common except for the fact that we once knew one another when we were very different people in life and have now grown into people neither one of us would recognize should we ever meet face to face again. So what is the point in us being friends? There really isn't one. So I'm going through my FB sometime this week and just cleaning it out. Same with dA, same with here, same with Twitter. It's time to shed my skin and make an effort with those who want to have a real relationship with me, and say goodbye to those who are just kind of there. If you happen to be one of those people I really am sorry, but you have to see the logic of it.

I hate those posts I see all the time on FB saying, "If you want to still be friends leave a comment!" because I think that's really kind of dumb. Don't stay friends with someone because they want to keep their number of friends high, stay friends with someone because there is an actual give and take to the friendship.

Not exactly sure why all of this is coming up but I've learned when I have a nudging I need to listen. So I'm following that spiritual prompting that I have been feeling for the past two weeks. Time to let go.

I also really need to buckle down and start recording lines for "A Stomach Full of Fluttershys" so I am not the one holding up the project. Heck, I was flattered to be asked to do it so I should just do it! But first I need to go pay a visit to my rheumatologist because my calendar said it is that time.

Also, ONE VOICE TONIGHT! I'm quite excited now that I've decided to do it. I miss my family.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
13 September 2012 @ 08:59 am
Today is the day I tackle my room. I don't think I'll get it completely finished today but I'll at least have all my shelves painted and all the fabric and stuff off the walls. I'm excited for this change. In my last apartment I had the same kind of baroque/Renaissance theme going and it's time for something new. I took some before shots when my room was actually clean so I can show before and after. The old look was very dramatic (hush from the peanut gallery!) and the new one will be simpler, fresher. I've learned a small space like my room needs to have less heavy decorations to make it feel not as claustrophobic.

Last night I also decided I'm doing One Voice again this year. So that's happening.

Other things are...okay. I'm super stressed out about money right now and am looking at stuff around the apartment going, "Can I sell that?" so I can feel like my head is above water. Heather says we're okay but I feel like I have weights tied to my feet. I can't even look at my account without having a mini panic attack.

Not much else going on. I'm still writing, albeit slowly. Yesterday I learned a few more of the ins and outs of digital oil painting while working on the ballerina I drew forever ago. I'm learning how to shade which is not something I ever knew how to do, so that's cool. Finally finished drawing all the next gen kids. Going to Six Flags this weekend, Highland Games the next. Dunno. Things are just going fine.

And I guess that concludes this update.
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
07 September 2012 @ 09:34 am
Okay, before I go into real life and everything happening that just makes me want to tear my hair out I have to say, I got a look at the Crystal Empire pre-order DVD and my gosh does Applejack look gorgeous. I don't know why I am so drawn to her but she looks beautiful. Dash looks a little too pastely and reminiscent of her G3.5 counterpart for my liking and Twilight's mane is too simple so that could be why, but still! Out of all the ponies I love seeing her dressed up even as simply as that. I also love the Grecian style Rarity's mane is in. Still not liking the hex eyes but we'll have to wait and see what that's all about. When does the show start again??

My goal for the coming week is to put as many costuming items my mom has made on eBay as possible. They are in a really tight spot with a car that isn't worth the money needed to fix it but having no other vehicle and no other option, and being severely behind on rent. They are just in a hole that is so deep they can't see a way out. So I'm trying to help in any way possible that I can. I know it's not my responsibility and they are not my responsibility but I can't just sit here and watch them sink. It won't take much for the company Dad works for to say he's done, and he's been out of work a full week now because he can't get there, which means no check, which means he'll be even later with rent, which makes them more in the hole, which pushes them closer toward eviction. Which would make it the third time they've been homeless. I can't have them staying here; I can't even have my brother staying here because I would turn into his mother and be making him walk the streets of Laconis until he found a job instead of sitting on the computer all day long and not contributing to the household income in any way, shape, or form. I'm sorry but that is just unacceptable and I have a lot of feelings on the entire thing.

Plus some friends of mine and their family are, more than likely, moving out of state and I...last night it finally started to really hit and I don't know what to do with that. So I'm sad and stressed.

And this weekend is so busy already what with a friend coming over, Game Day at church, church itself, helping above mentioned friends clean and pack.

I don't know how but I knew at the very beginning of the month that September was going to bring about a lot of big changes. I just knew it deep down and still feel there's more to come. I'm just praying some of the changes are good ones and not all ones that are going to depress me or make me so stressed I go into an anxiety attack like I did last night. :/
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
28 August 2012 @ 10:42 pm
I should never have bought those two random blind bags today. Now I want them all. THEY ARE SO PRECIOUS!
Current Mood: amusedamused
28 August 2012 @ 09:50 am
While I am on hold with my cardiologist - yes, I'm finally calling her - I figured I could type a little entry. This weekend was so much fun, what with spending time with my best friends, so much time with Audrey, the wedding - it was just a blast!

I knew as soon as I started typing someone would pick up. I guess I need to stop taking the meds now. She was like, "They're doing what now?" So I told her I've been consistently having dreams of people dying. The last one was of Audrey dying and I woke up yesterday morning going, nope. I can't do this anymore. So she said just stop taking them and they'll call me back with an alternative plan. Hopefully something not four times a day or a giver of headaches. But honestly, I'd be fine with that if it took these nightmares away.

Anyway! Today I am going to finish Harbinger. Or at least begin to finish it. This week will not pass without the conclusion of this fic. I started it at the end of February and just about six months later I am finishing it. It has a loyal fanbase both on dA and FIMFiction and I've gleefully created new head canon for people, and it's really been a labor of love. It's made me fall in love with characters I didn't expect to, quite honestly. And of course reinforced my adoration of Big Macintosh. This last chapter will be epic; I went to bed plotting out the big battle and all the little skirmishes within the battle, the showdown between the big baddie and those who will face off against him, who will die, who will not. I'm excited. And the epilogue, of course. I hope it will make people as hopeful as it makes me.

Now I go to write. Hopefully my fingers can keep up with my brain today.
Current Mood: workingworking
23 August 2012 @ 10:26 am
I'm not sure what's been going on lately but I have been having some of the darkest, most depressing dreams in recent memory, save the one I had two years ago about my mom dying. Most of the dreams I've been having lately involve death in some way. I lost someone important to me in one, a child of a friend died in another in a truly terrible way. That one haunts me the most because I can't get the image of his body out of my head. Last night I dreamed that my cat died in a fairly disgusting way. To any animal lovers, you know your pets are like your children, they're family. So this dream was not fun, either.

Then there are just weird and depressing dreams like the one I had last week. Apparently Heather and I signed up for this reality show where we were going to get married to strangers. All of the chosen men for the show would be able to see pictures of us, read our profiles, know everything about us basically and we could know nothing about them. We wouldn't even see the guy who chose us until the day we were going to marry them. Well, for sensationalism I assume, I was supposed to get ready first. I got my dress on, hair and makeup done, all of it, then the produces came in and told me no one chose me. Out of all the guys they picked for the show, none of them wanted me. Needless to say I was super upset and very hurt. So I went to tell Heather and she basically said, "Sucks to be you, I'm still doing it." And to rub salt in the wound she didn't want me helping her get ready, didn't even want me in the room with her as she got ready, preferring two people we know from CBC/One Voice to help her over me.

So somehow I found myself down at craft services (still in my dress, mind you ) and I was talking to Heather on the phone I think? I don't know, I don't remember holding a phone but I don't remember seeing her, either. But I was like, "What am I going to do now? You're moving out and I can't afford the apartment all on my own." To which she replied with, "I don't know what to tell you. Guess you better pack your bags because you're moving in with Laura."

That one really sucked, too. I mean, typing it out now I laugh because it's so ridiculous but when I woke up from that...man. All I could feel was that no one wanted me. No guy wanted me, my best friend didn't even want me. That hurt a lot and I carried that around all day. I hate how affected I am by my dreams and how vivid and real they all are. When it's a good dream I'm okay with it, but the bad ones are always really bad.

I wonder if the whole dream thing is a side effect. I should look that up. Yep, there it is. Abnormal dreams. So in addition to increasing the palpitations and the daily headaches it's giving me weird dreams. So calling my doctor about this.
Current Mood: tiredtired